Today I had a massage and it was excellent. I walked around feeling all new-agey, until I went to Weight Watchers and found out I didn't lose any weight at all. Sigh.. I have been cheating, just a little. I guess this reaffirms my committment to staying within the points. Also, my scary back knots knotted back up after about forty-minutes which detracted from the new-agey feeling, not just Weight Watchers. Have no fears, I thoroughly beat Compulsive Eater Angie with the Mentally Healthy Stick before I weighed in, so everything is fine in that department. I promise.
When I was getting my massage, Melissa the Excellent Massage Therapist hit one of the biggest scary knots, and I said, "Oh, there's one." and she said, "Yeah that guy just stood up and announced himself. 'My Name is Knot!'" she said, pretending to be the knot. It was very funny. I think she's great. I told her about SARK. She would love SARK.
I told her about SARK's bad massage with the crinkly paper, I think she talks about it in "Transformation Soup," and then I told her about the bad massage I got in Bethlehem in the summer of 2000. It was awful, the lady couldn't find my knots (God knows how) and she called in her boss and the boss yelled at her in front of me, (which was scary, especially because I was practically naked under the sheet) and then the boss told me "We're not doctors, you know," and I tried to be like, "Oh, I know, I've had massages before and they really helped, so I just thought..." and she said, "If you knew you had problems, you should have booked an hour massage," and I said, "Oh, I thought I did" and she said "No, you didn't, I just looked in the book," so I apologized profusely (Why? Why did I do that?) and I was so freaked out by this scary yelling boss (She was wearing a dumb white baseball cap inside, which was annoying, too) and I started to cry as soon as the boss left. Then the Scary Massage Lady said, "Please don't cry. Don't cry" and she put her arms around my head and put her mouth like, practically on my ear. I should have left, but I was too freaked out and still naked, I might add, so she tried again to find my knots, which she did, actually, but then we were out of time. When I went to pay, Scary Massage Lady said, "Oh. You were in the book for an hour," but she charged me for an hour anyway. I just wanted to get out of there, and I felt bad that her boss yelled at her, so I tipped her and left. (For someone who is not usually passive, I was having real issues that night.) Anyway, I cried and drove around Allentown (wouldn't you cry, if you were in Allentown?) and ultimately decided to dye my hair red, so I went to Superfresh (to buy hair dye, it was open all night) and dyed my hair Morrocan Spice red, which I am still trying to grow out, I might add.
Anyway, Melissa the Good Lancaster Massage Therapist was appropriately horrified and amused by my story. We laughed, we cried, (we didn't) it was better than Cats.
Every woman should have a good masage therapist, hairdresser and OB/GYN. I have decided, yes.