Me: Hey, buddy... Can we try to take a picture by the Christmas tree?
Fred: But I don't WANT to.
Me: Please?
Fred: ...meh...
Me: Was that a yes?
Fred: Is The Kid gonna be in it, too?
Me: Ollie? I hope so. Bella, too.
Fred: I'm not movin.'
Me: Well, what if I pick you up?
Fred: I'll cut you!
Me: That whole "Big Bad Miami Gangsta' Cat" would be easier to buy if you hadn't been living in Stepford for the past five years, dude.
Fred: Mi Calle Ocho boyz-
Me: Oh, please. You were born behind a hibscus plant in a landscaped apartment complex in MIAMI GARDENS whose logo was a little golf course flag.
Ollie: Why his earses back? He no like mee?
Me: Oh, honey. He likes you just fine. Now, let's go sit by the Christmas tree.
Fred: I'll sit by the tree but I'm not looking at the camera.
Me: That's fine, Freddo.
Ollie: I posez like zis!
Me: Um, okay, that's a good start. Drop your chin down just a little bit.
Ollie: Like zis?
Me: Um...a little less "deer-in-the-headlights," little guy. Just relax and lower your head, okay?
Ollie: Mah feets stink.
Me: Kiddo, you kick sand over you own feces. You're a cat; it's a professional hazard. Look up, please.
Ollie: You sez chinsez down?
Me: That was before. Okay. Look! Ooh, waggly hand!
Ollie: Ah likes to play wif fingerzzzz!
Fred: Did...you.. say- waggly fingers?
Camera: *click*
Fred:Whuh?
Me: Gotcha!
Fred: Crap.
Bella: Yoo hoo! I'm over here! I'm ready! I'm ready and here!
Me: Hi, pumpkin. I can see that.
Bella: I've been learning my angles.
Me: You've been watching too much Next Top Model.
Bella: Are you gonna PhotoShop out my eye boogers?
Me: Uh... sure! Always, Belle, always.
Me: Joel, can you all try to get them all together?
Fred: Fat chance.
Bella: This is gonna take awhile.
Fred:Kiss my-
Me: FRED!
Bella: You know what? I'm outta here, too.
Ollie: Guyz? Guyyyz?
THE NEXT DAY
Me: You guys are all sitting like that? On your own? Really?
Camera: *click*
Ollie: WHAP!
Bella: Hey!
Me: AND we're done.
Fred: That was funny.
5 comments:
Hee! That was funny. I appreciate that you try to do a holiday pet revue. We don't even try anymore.
You're hilarious. More people should read your blog. I especially enjoy that each of your pets has not only a different personality, but a different accent.
Lots of good laughs reading this! They are too cute!
Oh my god. Ordinarily I would be mad at myself for spitting water out directly onto my computer keyboard not once but twice, but this was so freaking funny that it was completely worth it. "I've been learning my angles." HA.
Too much Next Top Model! Ha! I love it!
It sounds like Ollie has been reading a lot of icanhascheezburger.com. ;-)
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