Tuesday, October 09, 2001

Hiya.... I am trying to think of something comment-worthy to say because no one has really been commenting lately, which is fine, except that the excitement of having comments hasn't really worn off for me yet, so... What do we want to talk about?

To tell you the truth, my life isn't terribly exciting. I had a championship sleep yesterday, actually. I worked the day shift Monday, although I am on the night shift for the rest of the week, and I guess I was really tired because I laid down to watch TV around 7 last night and woke up at 6 a.m. this morning, at which point I went back to sleep for 5 hours, woke up to take Belle to the vet to get her nails trimmed, after which I fell asleep again until 2 p.m. when I had to get up to come in to work. All in all, I think I slept a total of 20 hours. I can't remember the last time I did that. (Luke, you must be so proud! :) If I keep this up, I may be eligible to sleep in the Olympics.

I had these crazy dreams about Harry Potter, actually. I was in Hogwarts, and we were all running around and Ron got thrown in Hogwart's prison (not Azkaban) for not being able to pay his student loans for Hogwarts tuition. Hmm... I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that my student loan payments start in a few weeks, and I have no real prospect of a fulltime job.

I wish, I wish, I wish I could just stop worrying about that. I am sure that someday I will look back on this time in my life and see it as really relaxing, when I had no scary committments to mortgages or children. But really, my internship is over in about a month, and I don't know what the hell I am going to do. Actually, yes I do. I am going to keep pursuing contacts, go back to freelancing fulltime and maybe try and substitue teach for $100 a day, and try and freelance for the AP and the AFP now that I'm digital and that's great and everything will be fine, blah blah blah.

I miss my boyfriend. I miss my friends. I miss my sister. I miss the women's studies department, who would tell me how to think about this war in Afghanistan thing while letting me believe I was coming to those conclusions on my own, (as scary and patriarchal as that truly is, despite the fact that they try not to be patriarchal and scary.)

I really have to try and learn to live in the moment. I never appreciate things the way they are. Someday when I have a job and all the things I am longing for now, I am sure that I will wish I were closer to my parents. I am going to try and appreciate my life and where I am while I am there.

Right now I appreciate 1.) the fact that I get to spend time with my parents. Someday when they are gone, (goddess forbid), I am sure I will have moments where I will want to trade all the moments between then and now to talk to them again for just five minutes. 2.) the fact that I am eating healthy and not torturing myself about food. There have been times when it has been all that I think about and I am grateful for the fact that I am making clear choices about eating without being neurotic 3.) the fact that I get to spend a lot of time with Nanny. I do like her wonderfully caring, if somewhat eccentric, group of friends, and I am grateful to be near her. Well, that's a good list for now. I have to go back to work.

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