Brad is in the hospital again.

Brad, my hero and big brother of the heart, used to have a baseball cap that I thought was hysterically funny when I was 8. It had two visors pointing in opposite directions and the printed words, "I'm their leader. Which way did they go?"

I'm scared; I'm sad, and I'm fiercely proud. He is fighting with everything he's got. I will never, ever be ready to say good bye, not even if we lived to be 99 and 102. And just when I think I might have to be ready, he surprises us all. Repeatedly.

I want him to lead me where he needs to go, because the truth is, he always has.