Thursday, November 29, 2007

Skunked: The Trilogy

Bella got nailed, again, in our front yard when Joel took her out for her night walk. Our jackass neighbors never put out their jackass garbage in actual trashcans, so the jackass skunks are always skulking around, eating right out of the jackass plastic bags on Tuesday nights.

Bella got it full on in the face this time. (Did I mention I had taken her to the groomer less than 24 hours before? Bye, money!) It took ELEVEN shampoos, a gallon of tomato juice, two bottles of hydrogen peroxide and a full freakin' box of baking soda to cut The Stink. Our apartment smelled like we tapped a pipe directly into Hell, so we had to open up all the windows in the dead of almost-winter night. Of course, Bella was all wet, and we have no control over the heat in our apartment, so we had to move her crate into the kitchen, which was heated by the oven. Awesome!

The hallway (which we share with the Nice Mexican-American Family and the Contemptous Portuguese Couple from the second floor) quite simply smelled like ASS. There was, like, a visible haze of Highly Evolved Mammalian Emergency Response Instinct (patent pending) over the stairs. We put up an apology note. I would hate us.

You know, I had a chance to kill the skunk a few weeks ago. I could have run him over with the car. It would have involved running a red light and quite possibly swerving into a parked car at 25 mph, but still. THIS SKUNK MUST DIE.


shannon said...

If you call Animal Control, will they come and trap the skunk and relocate it?

Carl said...

Hmmm. This situation begs for some kind of scheme to HEM-ERI the jackass neighbors. My intuition is that it'd be a tremendous hassle to trap and train commando skunks to ERI-assault them. But you can PURCHASE bottles of skunk scent at Cabela's. They also sell Raccoon urine, just in case you feel that would make for a more appropriate response. I don't know how highly evolved this kind of retaliation would be, though. Fairly Unevolved Crotchety Kickback Operation might be more appropriate.