Thursday, December 13, 2001


This is not good. What if they think the photos I take suck? What if... and this is a very real possibility... that Stephen gets lost on the back roads he needs to take through East Bumblefreak to get to the church and he doesn't show up and I sit there all alone, fat, and sad while his friends and relatives laugh about the lonely, fat, sad ex-girlfriend peering anxiously at the door for the so-called "boyfriend" of three years to show up. OH MY GAWD.

Whew... That little melodrama aside, I have to tell you about a Traumatic Fish Incident. This is bad, but it has a happy ending.

It is not as traumatic as the famous Traumatic Fish Incident of 1987 in which both Amanda and I won fish at the Mountville Fun Fest (We went there because my mom was a teachers' aide at Mountville when i was in first and second grade), and I was sitting in the hatchback of my mom's old red "Tahete" Datsun, and as I was talking to Amanda and Brad Plotner who were sitting in teh backseat, Amanda leaned back and popped my fish bag. The fish flopped around on the seat, Amanda was screaming and nearly jumping (literally) out of the open window of the car (We were stopped at the stoplight by Hadyn Zug's), my mom thought one of us was dying, and Brad, being my Personal Hero for Fish Bravery and Other Things, calmly picked up my fish, opened Amanda's fish bag and put mine in with hers, and consequently saved the day. But, as usual, I digress.

The Current Traumatic Fish Incident occurred when Mary Wolstonecraft apparently got too close to our aquarium filter and it tried to suck her up. She was wriggling around for an unknown amount of time when I happened upon the scene. I am pretty brave about things like heights and scary bugs, but the thought of reaching in and physically pulling her away from the sucking filter creeped me out, so I tried unplugging the filter. She didn't come out. So I tried to shake her loose. Bad idea. Mary Wolstonecraft became more hysterical. Then I realized that I still heard the filter whirring, and realized that I had unplugged Senor Tortuga's filter and not the fish tank's filter. I unplugged it, and she plopped out and back into the tank. She was a little wonky all day yesterday. Her mouth was stuck in a permanent open fish mouth O, but now it's fine.

By the way, Senor Tortuga promptly remounted his filter when it started vibrating again (after I plugged it back in) and continued to make love to it until I left for work.

I pay my humble respects to Shauna, who has the Ultimate Traumatic Fish Incident that I have heard to date, and to the memory of Meatball 1, Gwen and Laura's fish who died in the arms of a miniature Scary Spice doll at the bottom of his aquarium, just before Thanksgiving.

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