Sunday, April 14, 2002

I... am lonely. This is not good. I have a great roommate, a lovely dog companion and an adorable step-dog.:) I talk to my best friends and boyfriend all the time. Like, multiple times a days for some.

I had a great time on Saturday night eating Isaac's food and watching a Trading Spaces marathon with Gwen, and ended my evening talking to her very warm, funny family who solmenly took on the challenge of, in their words, "Jewish mother-ing" me into not driving back to my apartment in the fog. :) Today I slept late, went shopping, played with and walked the dogs, laid around and read the newspaper, read a book, blown bubbles, made dinner. My schedule is so relaxing right now. I am going to be Stupid Busy once I start my internship. Why am I taking this time for granted?

If I am lonely living with one of my oldest friends, a hop, skip and a jump from my family, what am I going to do in Miami?

I am going to work a lot. Shoot a lot. Sleep. Lay on the beach. Make a lot of long distance phone calls. Add to the colorful, funny Cast Of Characters of Friends that always seem to find me.

I haven't been shooting as much as I would like to. What if I get to Miami and I can't do it anymore? I go through phases like this. I should just take the camera out and go shoot wet tree buds bursting open. It's beautiful, spring is spring up everywhere. I always feel lonely in the spring. This happens every April. I always felt this way, even with prom around the corner, rehearsing for the spring play, laying on the quad, barbeques with college friends, going to the state park and Skaneatlas Lake with Stephen.

Stephen. I really miss him. I haven't seen him in a month. It's been a hell of a month, though. I think I am going to see him around my birthday. And if I miss him this much now, what is this going to feel like in five weeks when I move 1, 000 miles further away from him? Three months. I am only guaranteed to be there for three months. Who knows what will happen after that. I am scared I wont get hired. I think if I don't get hired after the internship, I am going to go to Boston. I don't know.

Why am I sad? There really is just no reason for it.

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