Bridezilla is not backing down, pretending she never officially hired me. This is the thing about the wedding business, all the magazine layouts of frothy tulle and vaseline-coated lenses tend to blur the fact that this is A BUSINESS. Some of my clients (SOME, I said; not you of course, everyone loves you) need to hear that I believe Their Special Day is the most unique, beautiful, and emotional experience that anyone has ever had the privilege to document, but there's a tremendous amount of work involved.
Depending on the couple, it's HARD WORK, and if she had only granted me the courtesy of a personal phone call and an apology when she cancelled, I probably would have been bummed about the money and then psyched that I had nothing else planned for the next 48 hours and could spend lots of time on my favorite hobby: napping.
I'm a big fan of napping.
Ultimately, I am not taking this chick to small-claims court over a cancellation fee, but based on what she told me about her Super Fabulous Life of the Demented and Delusional, you know what $500 would be to her? It would be like what I would spent on a bottle of water at an amusement park. You know how you're like, "$3.50 for water?!? You know, now I kinda wish I hadn't eaten that caramel corn and gotten all thirsty standing in line for the Flume. Oh well, my bad. ::: glug glug glug::::"
Sigh... Of course, my second-favorite pastime is fantasizing about zingers I could say to her. You should help me! It's fun. Amanda and I got started with a few of these:
"You took the time to email me your attorney's contact info on your wedding day? How sad for you."
"Okay! Thanks for the contact info! Hope your stupid wedding sucked!"
"This same attorney did your prenup, right? I get the feeling you're gonna need it!"
Gwen called me and told me she had $37 million dollars, and she'd like me to drop everything to shoot her wedding TOMORROW, with a warning that she'd call back in an hour and a half to screw me over, which was very, very funny. (Thank you.)
Here are a few more:
"I do freelance layout work, too, so when Honey McMoneybags trades you in for a younger, blonder model, do let me know. I have the *cutest* trophy wife clip art for your resume, should you find yourself needing to (gasp!) get a JOB."
"You know how I sounded all excited about your ability to get reservations at Snooty: The Restaurant for the post-wedding dinner? I was faking it."
Succumb to the petty side. You know you want to. Funniest comeback in the comments gets a prize.