Wednesday, June 01, 2005


dilophosaurus1
Originally uploaded by GypsyPeach.
Oof. The screaming. I'm not proud of this, okay? But in the last conversation we had, I started out all pathetic, (but in witty, perky sort of way.) And, quite unexpectedly- even I didn't see this coming- I turned into the dinosaur from Jurassic Park that busts out a reptilian neck ruffle and spews paralytic venom, like, everywhere.

It was ugly. But I had to make sure that the dream we had of physically being in the same city, one where we could both work on the difficult, creative crafts we had chosen for ourselves, was never going to happen. I had to try. I had to ask, out loud. I had to KNOW. It was that goal that's kept me here. It wasn't only that, but it was a big part of it. It's over. And I'm done now. In so many more ways than one. I'm just... done. the space where are all the anger was feels empty now. Like it's ready to be filled up with something else.

4 comments:

Judy Gaul said...

Wow...Your words are powerful.. like your love is for all of us, your family, your friends,the casual person on the street you often help out. The pain you went/are going through is the kind of pain every Mother wants to protect her children from...and can't....

But you know...I don't want to protect you from this pain anymore...for it is through this pain that all of us learn the best lessons in life. The kind you only learn in real life, when life is hard and hurts. And through this pain comes a greater love from your family, your friends, and for yourself. There is love waiting for you out there...and you will find each other. Mothers know these things. We really do. Love, Mom

Cindy W said...

This is going to deduct points from my Nerd Street Cred, but I've actually never seen Jurassic Park. Still, that mental image made me laugh, because I totally know what you're talking about.

And your mom is absolutely right. You'll learn a hell of a lot about yourself for surviving this heartbreak. Do all the screaming that you need to do for now, but also know that with the support system you have around you of friends and family, you're going to emerge from this as a stronger, more self-aware and (eventually) happier person.

Sending internet hugs...

Lauren said...

I've already said meaningful things to you on the phone, so now for the flip side: I laughed so hard at that dinosaur photo that I was afraid I was gonna pee.

kelly said...

Hee! I love the spitters! I can't believe you found such awesome pictures to post here!

Sorry I didn't pick up when you called last night--I fell asleeep and didn't wake up until 4 am. Not that I got up at 4, I just woke up. Hang in there! I'll call you later today.