Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Hello all. Greeting from the Land of Not So Sucky at the Moment.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I am going to say this very quietly so as not to give my computer any ideas, but it's been hard to blog as my computer has been having all kinds of type 25 errors blah blah blah and quitting and freezing and booting me offline. I think it's because I had to give the Internship Wire Service Laptop back, and they were friends. So perhaps it has been sulking? I don't know.

Anyway, I had posted ay67777777 (Okay, that was a message from Fred the Cat who just stepped on the keyboard) excuse me, an explanation of why I am no longer an intern at the International Wire Service. (Keeping the @SS in @SS-ociated, but anyway...) a few days ago, and then I took it down, because... well, I don't really know why, but I did, so...

Here's the thing, the situation just got worse and worse, and the more I tried to make things better, the worse it got. It was incredibly frustrating, but there were factors at play that essentially had nothing to do with me, although I did have my fair share of mistakes, car accidents and problems. Definitely lots of bad stuff on my part. Not really stuff I had control over, but still...

Basically, I got dumped. I did not get fired, which they made sure to tell me. It was totally like getting dumped. Things were bad; I knew it. We went through Break Up Phase One- Everyone tried to pretend things were fine, and then something essentially very dumb happened, my fault, and there was a tense phone call, where both parties know that this is *it,* that things need to just be laid out there. We agreed to meet in person the next day. I was told it was up to me whether or not I wanted to end my "experience" early.

Break Up Phase Two/The "Talk"
I dressed up, the way you do when you have the Break Up Talk. I said, "I am not a quitter; I am committed to this." They took that choice out of my hands. And they said, "We consider your obligation to be fulfilled." (which is the corporate version of, "it's not you, it's me" which ALWAYS, ALWAYS means "It's you.")

Then we moved into Phase 3/Giving Back of the Stuff.
I gave back all the pool equipment I was issued (every single piece of which had
*something* wrong with it when I got it, from missing lens caps to the "Not Firing At All, Ever, Not Once" flash, all of which I replaced, fixed, sent away for repair, BY THE WAY). Also, they got me this really nice, expensive photo backpack when I arrived, and I laid it with all the stuff I was giving back, which is the equivalent of Dumpee/Me saying: "Here, take back this necklace/ring/sweater you gave me," (with undertones of "Fine! If this is it, I don't want ANYTHING from you! No!) and the Boss was all, "No, that was a gift. That is for YOU." and then the Dumper/She says: "No, no that was a GIFT; please, keep it" (with subtext of, "What the hell am I going to do with a woman's necklace/ring/sweater?!? Besides, your cooties are all over it.")

Phase 4: The Denial/We can still be friends/Awkward Hug Moment
Boss: "You aren't being FIRED, did you think you were being FIRED?!?! NO!!! It's just over now."
Me: "Oh. Well..." (Forced smile)
Boss: "We will be in touch" (No, we won't)
Then she hugged me, and it was weird, and I turned to leave.

Phase 5/ Realizing there IS someone else
All summer, my boss has been paying a girl, who is exactly my age and is a beginning shooter and has a Very Very Famous Photojournalist Father, to archive all the diorganized negatives and photos from the Days of Yore. She has *never* once had a credential/security pass, (all worn on a lanyard around the neck by every journalist everywhere) for months, since I got here in May. As I went to leave, I saw it... on a lanyard, a credential of her own! Jesus, it's like seeing the Ex's class ring on a chain around the New Girl's neck. (cue music: "It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To")

Phase 6/ Taking "Custody"
Several of my co-workers, esp. my Mentor (who was not consulted at any time about any of this, and Human Resources are not returning her calls) were Upset, and promised to write me good references, etc. The Other Staffer is still probably doing a Happy Dance Around the Darkroom. Whatever.

Phase Seven/ The Blind Date
Five minutes after I got home, a staffer called and insisted I call his wife, a photo editor at the Hiami Merald, "right away, right now." I did. She asked me to bring in my portfolio first thing Monday morning (today).

Phase Eight/Mourning
At first, I drove out of there so liberated, so free. Then, there was a little crying, (not too much, though, I cried more over Stupid Mark, if that gives you a reference) some very long (occasionally late night) phone calls, the trying to keep busy (my apartment is so clean) and the staring off into space and ocassionally muttering angrily to oneself.

Phase Eight/ The Rebound Relationship
My meeting went very well this morning. I am now a freelancer for the Merald! Yay!

So it's onward and upward from here. Are you ready for the best part, though? Here is where the similarities to romantic break-ups end. They are still paying me through the last day I was supposed to work. So, basically, I am making $14 an hour to sit on the beach, watch Trading Spaces and bring you new Gerunds, below. Which is also necessary, as I have to pay my rent next month, which I wouldn't have to do if I didn't come down here with the expectation that I would be working into September. I have to say, I respect them for that. Otherwise, this would be a really, really expensive mess.

Obviously, it isn't the way anyone would have wanted it to go, you know? But I have felt for weeks here that everything was just getting worse and worse. You, faithful readers, all know how I fell off the lime-green dinosaur, literally breaking my fall with my face, on my way down here, right? Yeah. I pretty much felt like I was falling flat on my face every day after that. And I don't feel like that anymore.

I did learn a lot- A LOT. I feel like better things are most definitely at hand. :)

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