You know, the nice British man from the commercial really ought to come explain how to use his expensive "doesn't lose suction" Dyson for Pet hair vacuum, because I have two college degrees and I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT. Screw you, telescoping handle! Screw you, knobby plastic tubey bit that just fell off! Screw you, clicky thing that makes the hose pop out altogether and doesn't make the telescoping thing work!
All I want is to clean everything in my apartment, top to bottom, so I can have a Happy, Healthy De-Cluttered Real Simple magazine-style peaceful New Year, dammit. CURSE YOU, expensive vacuum! I wish I hadn't danced with you on Christmas morning while you were still in your sleek black and purple box, m*therf*cker!