Wednesday, September 04, 2002

All has been quiet on the blogs lately . I think that was my longest personal hiatus when I wasn't out of town, etc., and maybe even then. Sorry about that.

Thanks for participating in the Holiday Suggestion Drive. Prizes for all on their way!

The other night I was in the all-night Winn Dixie around 3 a.m., as I keep very random hours now that I am back to freelancing. (Woo hoo!) It's an excellent time to grocery shop as there are absolutely no lines, which can take anywhere from 15-45 minutes to navigate at almost any other time I have tried to shop. As I pulled into the parking lot, I felt a headache coming on so I bought some Tylenol and a bottle of water and began to shop.

I started to feel a little wonky, but I figured it as from taking the Tylenol on an empty stomach as there wasn't much to eat in my apartment (hence the 3 a.m. trip to the store). I was standing the the snack aisle, trying to assess what exactly "felt bad" (headache? dizzy?), and as I was staring absentmindedly at the products around me, I realized I was facing an entire wall of pork cracklin's (you really don't want to ask, trust me), and two things hit me with striking clarity: 1.) I live in the Deep South and 2.) I am going to barf.

I rushed past the puffed pork rinds, grabbed a box of Ritz crackers and made it out of there without having to have Winn Dixie personnel request clean up in aisle 5 in three languages. I did NOT barf after all, which is good.

I have to nominate Scott for the Most Tolerant and Engaging Phone Call Recipient of the Month, as I have called him several times now around 11 p.m. Pacific time, as I have had the need at 2 a.m. , to be reassured that 1.) Florida is NOT indicative of the rest of this country 2.) watching four episodes of the Pet Psychic is bound to make anyone feel sad.

Do you guys know about the Pet Psychic? The Pet Psychic is this British woman who believes, and is somewhat convincing that, she has the ability to communicate telepathically with all kinds of animals. Every show begins with her at a farm, a zoo, etc. where she meets with different animals and their owners. She is invited, I guess, by the zookeepers or whomever, and generally the animals are somewhat exotic. For example, last night she met with this giraffe who was acting sluggish, and the giraffe "told" her that she was pregnant.

This segment always ends with the caretaker saying something like, "I was really surprised when Sonia told us that Zoe/Greek Victory/Fido/ Pregnant giraffe was lonely/gay/still missing the golden retriever we put to sleep 2 years ago/carrying a baby giraffe because we usually monitor the hooved mammals mating habits quite carefully. We didn't know the male giraffe was in heat!" or whatever. But upon further inspection, training, or contacting the animal's former owner, the owners found out that the giraffe *is* pregnant/her pasture *was* struck by lightning, etc.

Then the Pet Psychic meets with random cats and dogs in a TV studio. They tell her things like they don't like their food, they want a mate, they wish they didn't have to ride in a carrier on planes, they want to sit in a seat, etc. I have to say that this part is sometimes a little convincing, the owners often seem really skeptical and are surprised when Sonia provides details they swear they didn't tell her or anyone else at Animal Planet. Heh.

But the REALLY pathetic part is the last ten minutes of the show when the Pet Psychic "helps grieving owners cope with the loss of their beloved animal companions." The owners show her a photo of their animals and Sonia usualy tells them that their dogs are right there with their head on their leg, blah blah blah. The owners always want to know that their animals aren't angry that they put them to sleep, and Sonia always says they say, "Thank you for freeing me from my body; I was in so much pain," and "You were a great mom; I had a great life with you."

Sometimes, though, the owners don't know why their animals died, and Sonia tells them that the cat says it was poisoned by chemicals the exterminator used or that the guy who cuts the grass forgot to let them out of the sunroom and they died of heat stroke. The owners sob, and then Sonia usually tells them the cat was sick anyway or whatever.

I feel like the best way to watch this show would be as a drinking game, as in, everyone does a shot every time Sonia says "You are absolutely *beautiful,* darling!" or every time an animal asks for a mate, there's a social. Anyway, last night I had the TV on as I was folding wash and doing random things around the apartmen like paying bills, and the next thing I knew I had half-watched 4 episodes. blah.

Two solid hours of Pet Psychic is bound to make anyone sad enough to call their friends at 2 a.m., right? :) I am thinking about cancelling my cable. I watch *a lot* of TV these days. There was a time in my life when I probably wouldn't have missed it at all. It's odd how TV pulls you in, and you start getting really psyched to found out what happens between Joey, Rachel and Ross when the new seasons start. Blah.

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