Friday, March 25, 2011

When can I relax? NEVER.

One of my High School Friends-Turned-Client-Brides (seriously, you guys should start a softball team or make t-shirts or something) asked me recently when "summer" for wedding photographers is, because it's certainly not during the actual summer. The truth is, I don't know, because I spend whatever down time (or you know, down-ish time) I have panicking.

This week has been Editing Week, where I've basically sat down, glued to my laptop, and knocked out all the editing for two out of my four remaining weddings that are due by the middle of next month. Joel came home sick from school on Tuesday and I spent all night taking care of him. Then I spent Wednesday alternately shivering and sweating and having whacked out fever dreams in which I have to take a boat to find a baby, that may or may not be mine, studying abroad in Japan, which is located in downtown Manhattan where I have to go shopping for red shoes in a glitzy McDonald's.

So while I'm glad I have some time to edit and be sick and be home without having to call an editor at 7:30 a.m. or turn down freelance assignments so I can flit between subsconsciousness and wellness, I worry. I worry because I had four promising consultations in the past two weeks, BUT! Of the four- One bride simply disappeared after seemingly loving everything I do. Poof! Bye! I guess!

The second prospective client and I had a great meeting but decided to go in a different direction today, though I suspect that was the groom's call.

The third couple would be a cool challenge but I'm not sure how sad I'll be if I don't get it. They're basically having two separate weddings over a three-day holiday less than six months away and still hasn't found someone she and her fiance like. While I would would really love the challenge of this one (and the money would be nice), I'm less sure that they love my visual style and that's never a recipe for success

The fourth one- oh puh-lease let them book because I'm starting to feel like no one likes my work or me and I'll never book a wedding ever again and soon I'm going to start speaking whale like Dori in Finding Nemo: COME BAAAAAHHHCK!.

*pant pant pant*

I know. That's nuts, but this whole making a living of my art thing? It's intensely personal. And when people don't book and I don't know why? It feels like something might be wrong with me. Also, a friend of mine got a job at A Big Metropolitan Newspaper of Impressiveness and she's not even 30 but she's not a photographer so it's not like we were even remotely competitive on my career path and I'm happy for her but OH I AM SO JEALOUS too jealous to use punctuation sigh

So that's what I'm doing this week. How you doin'?

Also, if you know anyone who needs a wedding photographer, I'm free the last three weekends in October. Woo, prime weekends! Someone book me so I can stop compulsively counting my lips. ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE ONE- OH DAMN.


michelle said...

Your friend will not be working at a newspaper in twenty years because I'm pretty sure they won't exist ;) So, there's that :)

Lesley said...

If I could get married again and hire you again, you know I would!! : ) There are rumors of a certain best friend getting engaged soon... signs are pointing to it. I will keep you posted!

Also, I think I'm going to be in NYC for a couple of weeks in July. So I will let you know when once I kmow!

Nikki said...

We need to talk, seriously. I understand about the personal-meets-professional-life-art meld on a heart level. It's hard, but incredible work comes out of it.

Hug to you. Big big hug to you.